I am tired of explaining myself. I know I come with a true but rude tongue. I know I am a hard person to be with. But please, don’t expect me to keep explaining myself to you. I am not standing in the court, defending myself against murder charges. I am not answerable to your “judgments.” I might be a difficult person. But I am not fake. So if you doubt me or my intentions, then just get the hell out of my life. Keep your doubts, judgments, and fears to yourself. If you can’t trust someone, then again, go to hell. But don’t keep telling me that “I can’t trust you.” I don’t care. I don’t want your trust. I don’t want you to believe me. I don’t want you in my life. I am not living to please you. I am living for my own happiness and my peace. You can stay only if you don’t ruin any of them. My life is not a battle in which you are the trophy. Find someone that worthless and desperate for whom you will be that winning trophy. For me, you are equal. If it’s about trust, we both need to trust. If it’s about efforts, we both make efforts. Nobody is doing any favor on anyone here. So if I give you space and trust, I expect the same from you.

I am sick of people coming and telling me that I “seem” like this and that kind of person. Do you know me? Do you know my story? Do you know my heart? No. You don’t. You are just a judgmental fool. And I don’t want this negativity in my life anymore. I have wasted enough time, explaining to people what I meant, what my intentions were. It’s all about trust. That trust has to be pure and blind. If your soul does not whisper that “trust this person,” then there is no point in us being anything. We should stay strangers. You live your life. I live mine. No fights, no arguments, no explanations, no drama, only peace we will have in our lives. I have no emotions and time left for people who don’t see the goodness in me, who can’t see the purity of my heart. You are blind. And that’s your problem. You deal with it. Don’t come with your problem to me. I am not interested in your mess. Trust me and stay or doubt me and leave. Choice is yours.

~ Rahul Kaushik

Please, if you’re struggling.

With anything. Or with everything.

Please, look to those of us who have come before you. Who have survived. When we never thought that we could survive.

Please know that we speak to you not in platitudes. Or to give false hope.

For we have been there.

On the floor. Crying so hard that our insides hurt. & we feared a neighbor might hear.

We tell you these stories of survival not to speak about ourselves. Or for attention.

We tell you these stories because we know.

The pain. The hopelessness.

& the lack of connection.

We were there.

When the thought of surviving another second seemed like an impossibility. Let alone another minute, or day.

We understand.

Because we have lived it.

And survived it. & are actively surviving it.

And because somehow, someway, we have rebuilt. & are actively rebuilding.

My heart will always hurt. As will yours.

But I am here.

Because even when I did not want to give myself another day.

I gave myself another day.

To grieve. To hope. To love.

& to live.

I am asking you not to believe what I say, today.

I’m asking you to give yourself another day, so that one day ~ you might believe what I say.

Life through all of its pain & in a much different way, can be beautiful Again. ❤️

jp.

i feel better when i’m alone.

I hope you choose kindness. Even when others are being cruel. When someone asks you to give them your heart all warm and full of trust, and they give you something makeshift and full of barbed wire in return: be kind. Some people need to feel your heart wrap around them more than you know.

—Kristen Robinson

I am a happy person, you know. I would be the last person on earth to crib and cry about life. But lately, I have lost my spark. I hardly laugh. And I just fake that smile. It’s been going on for a while now. Earlier, I ignored it as some sort of weird mood swing. But it is growing, daily. And daily I feel more and more withdrawn, more tired, more confused, and more sad. And more than sadness, I am getting frustrated because I don’t know the exact reason for this change. I can’t pinpoint a person or an event. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just so weird for me to be sad. How can I be sad? But I have realized that sadness can hit us all. The reasons can be small or big, or no reasons at all. We hardly understand life and emotions. We just try to make sense out of things. And sometimes, nothing makes sense. And I have accepted that I won’t be able to understand this mess. I can just embrace it and fight it. Or I can just give up. And I have given up at times, to be honest. I did resign to my fate. I did fall weak. I did curse God. I did cry helplessly. But then, I was never a loser. I can’t just quit on life. So here I am writing it all down, trying to make some sense out of this crazy feeling.

I don’t know whether you feel it too. But it’s kind of heavy, you know. It all gets a little heavy in the environment around you. You feel the heavy air around you. The surroundings seem dull. There is no vibe, no energies, just numbness. And people just seem irritating, everyone. Even a hello is like “Oh God, no, why?” You just want to be left alone and suffer that silence yet again. You don’t want to share how you are feeling because you tried once and it sucked. People don’t get it. It’s you and you alone who have to fight this. It gets so hard to enjoy even your favorite songs. It’s like your soul has forgotten those lyrics, that beat. Your favorite food does not hit you the same anymore. You have become someone else. And that’s the journey now, to find out what you have become, why, and for how long. I am on that journey now. I am on my way to find myself again.

~ Rahul Kaushik

“I want to explain how exhausted I am. Even in my dreams. How I wake up tired. How I’m being drowned by some kind of black wave.”
~Elizabeth Wurtzel

// All I wished for, was for you to be gentle and to be a little kind when I told you that I was tired, instead of telling me that I was going to crush the world by giving up - when all I needed was for you to sit beside me and comfort me with your silence - M.

And one just wants to live quiet days,
Prevent sudden heartbreaks,
And to realize her dreams that she seeks,
And may the days pass in peace.

You will understand when you get older that pain must be experience. More than once, your heart will be broken, and each time it will hurt worse.

You'll hurt people so much that you'll isolate yourself and come to believe that it's best to be alone yourself. Because you'll feel that time is flying by too quickly, you'll experience those restless nights and endless meltdowns.

Love, don't be frightened to show your vulnerability. You get to see everyone's genuine colors, which is the nicest thing about the worst days of your life.

Because your darkness is a hint that a light is waiting for you, don't be scared to be open and vulnerable and never run from it.

— Balt Rodriguez

"well then, aren't you tired of yourself?"

the waves crash against each other. the smell of salty sea air, cool wind in my hair.

"why do you keep having the same conversations for years? when are you going to change? how much are you going to regret? are you never going to stop?"

i shut my ears. the faint sound of waves lapping on the shore remains.

"what if your life passes you by and you never learn? what if you die carrying these heavy regrets?"

maybe i'll run, i think. i stand up and run barefoot in the sand. it's tiring.

"how long are you going to run? someday you'll run out of places to run to."

i stop and look around. if i hide, will someone come to find me? are they even aware of my presence or my absence?

only if i had a time machine....

"who can guarantee that you won't have any regrets then?"

at least, i would have less regrets. at least, i would not be the worst person to sabotage myself. then, maybe... maybe, i could have saved my soul.

"but wasn't it you who made mistakes? how do you know you won't make any in future? how do you know you won't be responsible once again for your own heartache?"

i walk towards the lapping waves. the laughter of kids echoes.

then what should i do?

"move on."

easier said than done.

"you are so miserable because you keep living in your yesterdays. aren't you tired of looking back at things that cannot change? people are complex creatures. yet, you keep comparing yourself to others, and your own past self. it is not that easy. your situations are different."

i close my eyes and breathe slowly.

"be careful of your mistakes but don't let it cast shadows on your future. if you keep living in the past, nothing will change. someday, you will come to mourn this day, too. you will come to mourn everything. in order to move on, you need to leave. there is no arrival without departure. you must live in the present."

i open my eyes and sit down, marvelling at the melting sun. the kids keep on laughing. the salty sea wind continues to sweep across the shores.

— Rae Pathak, moving on.

“Note to self: Nobody is worth stressing over. Move on. It’s ok to leave people behind. Go find yourself. The world is yours. Life goes on.”

I owe myself an apology.
For all the times I promised to forgive myself, only to bring it up again later.
For clipping the wings of my own dreams before they ever had a chance to take flight. For thinking so little of myself
at the very moments I should have been standing up for myself.
For the lies I swallowed
while starving for truth.
For believing that all the glass I walked on
as a child
was ever my fault.
For withholding the same grace
and second chances
I so freely give others.
For allowing the world to convince me
that my heart was both too much
and not enough.
For all the days wasted pretending to be someone I hoped you would accept.
For not living my life more on my own terms, simply because I was afraid
of making a mistake.
For punishing myself for far too long.
For believing love was bloody and painful,
and that I didn’t deserve better.
For every time I looked in the mirror
and hated who I saw.

I could sit here listing every reason and way I was wronged by others,
but maybe more than anything,
I owe myself an apology for not valuing this one, beautifully precious life of mine enough to know I’m worthy of greatness,
the very best of everything.
And for that, I am sorry.

J. Raymond
"Apology Accepted"

to the people who are emotionally sensitive, who care so much about everything no matter how hard they try not to, who notice even the smallest things and take everything to the heart, the struggle is valid. i hope you get surrounded with people who are kind enough to understand you. and even if you can't expect everyone to adjust for you, i hope you get extra patience from this world.

-Kylie Yzobelle

To my old self,

I'm sorry for allowing people to hurt you so many times. I'm sorry for all the wrong decisions that you've made because you were not wise enough before. I hope you'll learn to forgive yourself someday. I hope you'll heal from all your trauma. And I hope you've learned from all the mistakes that you've made in the past.

Someday, I hope you'll learn to love yourself after all the heartbreaks that you've been through. I know sometimes it's hard to forget the painful things that happened to you, but it takes time to heal. I hope one day you'll learn to find your worth again. You were too hard on yourself, and you forgot that you were worth it too. One day, I hope you find the happiness that you always deserve.

I want you to know that your past mistakes and traumas don't define who you are. You are more than your wounds and scars. You are more than the number of your heartbreaks. And I hope you always remember that I am so proud of you for being brave enough to stay alive. You are loved, and you are always enough.

— Shiori X

As you grow older your perspective about life will changed. You start recognizing how much important your inner peace and you start cutting people that you considered toxic and not helpful towards your self improvement and growth. You start taking less pictures of yourself because for you some pictures that are worth taking for are the smile of your parents, the sunrise and the sunsets, the oceans, and all the beautiful thing that some people don't even notice.

You start realizing that it's okay to slow
down —take time to understand what you want in the present and what are your plans towards the future. You start investing towards the important memories that you will forever leisure in your heart and memory and not those memories that you can only see in your gallery and most of all you stop looking for love because you understand that the you owe yourself the love you freely give to other people because your self is your biggest commitment. And I think that's the thing about maturity, you will understand your worth is not based on popularity, attention and achievements because it's all about how you love everything about you and everything you do.

— Balt Rodriguez