me going into 2023 with no money, no motivation, insecurity and still don't know what to do with my life, an unhealthy attachment to fictional characters and obsession with singers who doesn't even know i exist.

this is the new beginning of anything you want. if i have learned anything last year, it's that i won't ever be ready for what life throws at me. i will never be adequately prepared. i won't have the right words when it counts for something. i won't know the right answer when fate itself is staring me down. i've learned i can go on waiting for something, sustained by hope and nothing more, or i can put it to one side and shrug my shoulders. bravely accept the fact that i can't keep my heart safe any more than i can stop love from taking everything from me. i have learned to stop saying yes when i don't mean it to live as authentically as i know how. to allow the tips of my fingers to skirt the darkness, as long as i remember to keep my eyes fixed on the light and as one door opens and another closes. i will move forward with the knowledge that unlike so many others, i have another year ahead of me and another shot at making it all the way around the sun, and a chance to get it right this time round.

12 new chapters, 365 new chances.
the year is done. i spread the past 365 days. it has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of my life. i learned everything is temporary, moments, feelings people, flowers, and i learned love is about giving everything and letting it hurt. i learned vulnerability is always the right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so very difficult to remain soft. i learned all things come in twos, life and death, pain and joy, salt and sugar, me and you. it is the balance of the universe. it has been the year of hurting so bad but living so good. making friends out of strangers, making strangers out of friends. learning mint chocolate chip ice-cream will fix just about everything and for the pains it can't there will always be my mothers arms. we must learn to focus on warm energy. always soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the world. for if we can't learn to be kinder to each other how will we ever learn to be kinder to the most desperate parts of ourselves. now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been. may this year bring new happiness, new goals, new achievements and a lot of new inspirations on your life. new year. new moments. new adventures. new lessons new memories. new challenges. new opportunities. new me. wishing this year fully loaded with happiness.

february – chapter 2 of 12.
delicate vanilla bath bubbles serene pink clouds - late afternoon picnics under gentle rays of sun - drawing chalk hearts on concrete waking up in the warm embrace of soft blankets cherry blossoms bud, eagerly awaiting the arrival of spring.

is the moon tired?
she looks so pale within her misty veil. she scales the sky from east to west and takes no rest. before the coming of the night the moon shows papery white. before the dawning of the day she fades away.

lies hurt so bad.

depression is a shadow, always lingering, always there. Sometimes it is in front of you disrupting your view making it hard to navigate. sometimes you are on top of it, seemingly in control but always on that edge. sometimes it is behind you, always nipping at your heels, always waiting for the next time it can overtake you and leave you in the dark again. depression is a shadow that even in the brightest light is still there and like the voice inside your head it is always there. depression is a shadow.